Dear Friend,
Ho much I love you! When we met, I had no idea what a close bond we would develop. I have loved serving with you, laughing with you, and have so appreciated all the times you were there for me. Especially through those really rough spots - remember those? Yikes. But I made it - thanks in part to you, my dear friend.
Over the years, I have watched as you became a mother. I have loved sharing that experience with you - anticipating the new life, watching your family change, and seeing you flourish in such amazing ways as you fulfill your role as a mother. But I have a confession to make to you, dear friend: sometimes I am happy for you, and at the same time am reminded of my own struggle to fulfill this role. It seems the reminders are becoming more and more constant.
I have several friends experiencing this happy occasion for the very first time, and I must confess, I have not been a very good friend to them. In a little over a month, a new friend will become a mother for the first time. When she first shared her happy news with me last February, I could barely eek out a smile and whisper a tiny "Congratulations." Sadly, seven months later, it is still just as difficult for me to watch her stomach expand and feel happy for her.
I have certainly loved hearing about all the fun, wonderful joys that come with being a mother. I have enjoyed sharing that motherhood experience with you. But with each birth announcement that arrives in my mail, each updated family portrait I see on your wall, I have to wonder - will I ever know what it feels like to become a mother?
I don't share this with you because I want you to stop sharing your motherhood experiences with me. And I don't share it with you because I want you to feel sorry, or tell me that I'll have my turn. and I definitely don't want you to stop telling me about your motherhood experiences. I share this because yesterday I received some news that a very dear friend is struggling - she is in the middle of recovering from a molar pregnancy, and she will be unable to attempt to become a mother for a very long time. When I heard this, I wasn't sure which was worse for me - hearing that someone is pregnant and knowing of my own struggle, or hearing that someone close to me who desperately wants to be is unable to become pregnant.
I'm sharing my thoughts about this to let you know that if it seems as though I am not happy for you, or if I become quiet when the topic turns to children and families, you will know why. You don't have to change anything, just please be patient and understanding with me.
Please know that I love you. I love knowing that you are (or are going to soon be) a mother. I love what that means for you, and I am learning how to have faith that someday, those of us who desire this above all else will get our chance to call you with that exciting news. When that happens, I hope that you will be more gracious with me than I have been with you.
I do love you, dear friend. And I thank you for being so understanding while I struggle through this.
Alicia
5 comments:
First let me say that I hope your friend will be okay. That is a very scary situation.
Second, I hope you know how much I love you. I haven't had to deal with this situation and my heart goes out to you. It is tough on everyone. And sometimes there are no answers. I'll keep praying for you. Love you!
I love you too. There are definitely no answers or responses that are appropriate for anyone to say. Just know that I love you and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Love you!
I don't think I will ever understand why so many good, loving couples have a hard time getting pregnant, while so many girls who aren't ready for a baby get pregnant so easily. Honestly, why does it have to be so hard?
Just know that my heart goes out to you (and your friend, and all those who struggle), and that it's okay to be sad (that was something I had to learn). I love you too!
My dear Lish, I think you are one of the greatest people I have ever known; you don't deserve all of the hard things you have had to deal with. I hope with all, all, all my heart that you will get the opportunity to be a mother - you will make a fantastic mother. And you have been very gracious with others. I love you.
It isn't fair is it? I wish I could be there to give you a hug and tell you in person that I agree with Kyrstal, it's ok to be sad.
It's weird to read this post as one of those friends who are mothers because for so long I was the one full of envy and admittedly a little bitter and very sad. I've headed home from many a baby shower happy for the mom, but brimming with tears. It just plain sucks.
Just know you're in my prayers!
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