Sometimes it's hard to know what to do, or should I really buy this?

If there ever was a time in my life when I need a distinct and personal revelation via the Holy Ghost, it is now.

This is because right now I am trying to plan my fall/winter wardrobe. This is because the end of summer has officially descended upon me and after a very thorough review of all contents of my closet, dresser, Rubbermaid full of winter-type clothing (sweaters), and twenty boxes of clothes that no longer fit me and are waiting to be delivered to Goodwill, I recently came to the realization that I have one pair of jeans that fits me, one sweater, and a bunch of T-shirts. And five coats. Because let's be honest, it's really tough to outgrow a coat, as hard as I might try because I really want to get a bright orange wool coat with a hood and cute buttons, and I can't justify buying a new coat as long as I have five working ones in my closet.

So upon great contemplation and much starving, I mean fasting, in my wardrobe's behalf, I have crafted four very specific and distinct questions that I am hoping my forthcoming revelation will answer so as I know how to proceed due to my current wardrobe dilemma and current money fast (have I told you about our money fast? another post for another time).

These most important and hopefully revealing questions are, in no particular order:

1) Am I going to be fatter (perhaps in the midsection area only thanks to a great and long-awaited and prayed-for blessing) anytime soon? Like before the end of the fall/winter season?

2) If the answer to question 1 is no, then: Am I going to be skinner before the fall/winter season really gets underway, due to the excessive amounts of exercising in which I have partaken, and my great efforts at eating only those foods which will make my hair shine, my skin glow, and allow me to be constantly overdosed in folic acid? Oh, and some M&M's, but those don't count because it is during That Week of My Monthly Visitor, which we don't have to talk about, but all know that any and all M&M's eaten during that week do not count due to being excessively depleted in chocolate and sugary minerals during such a strenuous time in a woman's life. And exceedingly sad because I am not yet getting fatter in my midsection only.

3) Should I give in to the fashion craze because it's just so hard to withstand temptation and buy the cute pair of pinkish-reddish-orangeish Mary Jane Crocs that I saw at Costco, mostly because the color is so very happy, and I have a hard time passing up Mary Janes, even ugly ones? (If the answer to this is "yes," I must move fast. Things do not last at Costco.)

4) And lastly, should I buy a bright orange wool coat with a hood and cute buttons?

I know that if the Holy Ghost were any one of my sisters, I would be directed to replace my entire wardrobe and ship the current contents to Bountiful, Utah, whereupon the sharing of much joy and the saving of money would be celebrated amongst the females in my family. Probably by eating ice cream, because let's face it, who doesn't like to celebrate by eating ice cream? Hmmm...this attitude will most likely have a direct effect on the answer to question number 2.

If the Holy Ghost were Andy, I would be directed to clean out my overflowing and abundant closets, dressers, and boxes and deliver the contents to Goodwill to share with those less fortunate than me, and to just choose only those clothing items that would allow his clothing items to breathe and feel at home in their own home. They currently feel like homeless orphans who used to have a whole huge room to themselves and a parent who loved them enough to hang them up and put them away, but now the evil stepmother (me) has moved into the house and displaced them to the dungeon to clean the floors, and to move in all her own frilly girly clothes to take their place, not allowing them to be hung up and put away. What? You didn't know clothes had feelings? It's true, they do.

It must be noted, Andy has never once said anything about the displacement of his clothes. I just know it because his clothes whisper mean things to mine. Like, "Get out of our room, you brightly colored ruffly frilly things! A man needs space to breathe around here, and we feel suffocated! Who needs so many polka-dots anyway?" And other such nonsense as that.

Since the Holy Ghost is neither my sisters or Andy, I wonder what direction I'll be given? Maybe to just hang in there, continue sticking to my budget, and be patient that someday I will be bigger in the midsection area in the way I want to be bigger - the good "I am finally carrying a child and I have wanted to be this fat for such a long time now" bigger.

And maybe I'll be directed to buy bright orange wool coat with a hood and cute buttons. Stat!

Because nothing says, "I've been working my butt off all summer and haven't dropped a size - please reward me" like a bright orange wool coat with a hood and cute buttons.