How to love someone when you really don't want to: a step-by-step guide for overcoming the grumpies

I have a friend who I love. Except for one problem: sometimes This Friend is completely, unabashedly, frustratingly, unloveable. Unloveable, I tell you! Unloveable!

So yesterday I said, "Self, you need to be better at loving This Friend. You need to stop the complaining. And the whining. And the wishing this This Friend was different. And you need to just love This Friend until you can't love anymore." Except we all know that it is difficult, almost completely next to impossible, to run out of loving for someone. Unless they pay with a check at The Wal-Mart. But if they do you could think, "How quaint - paying with a check. They are so Old Fashioned." Then you would love and admire them for being quaint and Old Fashioned. See? I even surprised myself with that one.

Note: While I do not smile upon check-writing, I only frown upon it when people are slow about it. Mom and AnJ, this does not apply to you. Feel free to write all the glorious heart-dotted i checks your tender little hearts desire!

But loving someone when they say mean things to you like, "Woah. You sure look all wide and jiggly (yes, wide and jiggly - super bad combination) in those pants. Maybe you should just stay home in your pajamas instead of going out where people will actually see you." Or, "It's really too bad you tried to cook an amazing exotic dinner of macaroni and cheese, because your homemade sauce turned out a little gluey, which we all know happens when you use too much flour and not enough milk. You usually do better - I'm so disappointed in you." Or even, "Good grief, lady! Why can't you keep up with the laundry so your husband doesn't have to ask you why his clothes are always in the dryer and never make it into his drawer?"

So. This Friend of mine can sometimes be a little tough. But, just in case you have a similar friend, you are in luck! You have come to the right place! Because you are going to find out just how to love such a friend who is not always nice, but maybe sometimes is nice like when they buy a Cranberry-Lime slush for you from Sonic because they know you're having a bad day. It makes it just a little easier to overlook the chronic grumpiness. But still. We have to know how to handle friends like this when they are not buying you Cranberry-Lime slushes of delightful wonderfulness.

Step 1: Find out what your friend likes and what makes her happy. Does she collect red lipsticks in her search to find the perfect one? When she sees fresh bouquets of flowers, does her face light up? Does she absolutely adore Chipotle burritos? Chocolate chip cookies? Tap dancing? Just find out.

Note: You might have to ask lots of questions, or be very observant. This is hard work. Hard work, I tell you! I never said it would be easy-peasy.

Step 2: Give your friend something that she likes and that makes her happy. Maybe all it takes is just your time. Spend time with your friend. Do whatever she wants to do. Even if it is just writing checks at The Wal-Mart and laughing at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's choice of names for their children.

Step 3: Say something nice and supportive to your friend. Maybe try something like, "Hi Friend. You look so beautiful today! You should wear red more often - it is most definitely your best color." Or maybe, "Dear Friend. I'm sure happy to see you! I know you're struggling right now, but NO MATTER WHAT I am here, and I love you. And you will get through this bout of the grumpies."

Step 4: Give your friend a hug. Or pat her on the back if you are afraid of hugs. If you are afraid of hugs, that is a completely different post.

Step 5: Repeat steps 1 through 4 over. And over. And over.

How will you know you have successfully loved your friend? Well, sometimes you might not know until way later that you were successful. Sometimes, you might not ever know. Ever. But the secret is that you just keep doing it. Even when it's hard and you don't want to. Even when your friend is YOU, and you don't want to be nice to yourself because you're grumpy. Which in my case it often is and let's be honest: only I would be thismean to myself. If I had a friend who was thismean to me, would we really be friends?

Anyway, you should still do it. Because it's what Heavenly Father does for us, and because we are worth it.

All the time.