It seems that for me, happy = fat. I have a little secret that only people who see me regularly (pretty much no one reading this blog) know: I have gained somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 pounds since I got married to Andy.20 pounds on my frame translates to two sizes bigger. Being two sizes bigger is not a good scenario in any case, but when you are trying to save money, which we are, it really stinks. I don't fit into any of my clothes, and have to go buy bigger ones, which I am trying to not fit into anymore. Yes, I realize some people might look at me and say, "I'm working to be your size!" I realize I'm blessed to be healthy and have working limbs and whatnot - I get it. But going up two sizes is not a good scenario for anyone, regardless of your starting weight.
I debated whether I should blog about this issue, but am realizing that this topic has started to consume me. Since Andy left for India, I have pretty much been living in my workout clothes. Because I don't have anything else to do (and because I can), most days I exercise morning, noon, and night. I walk, I lift weights, I do Tae-Bo (not all at once, mind you). I watch what I eat, and focus on eating really healthy food, yet my clothes still fit me exactly the same - two sizes bigger than I want to be. After seven weeks of this, I'd be happy to be even one size smaller, but alas, here I sit, just the same as when he left.
Which explains my obsession. How can I be doing everything right and not getting any smaller? I blame turning 30, because once I turned 30, my body went downhill in a really scary way. And the frustrating thing is that I can't seem to do anything about it.
I set a goal to be down one size when Andy returns from India in June, and here I am, the same size as when he left. Thank goodness he loves me no matter what size I am, but the question remains and is in need of an urgent resolution: how do I get to a place where I'm happy with my body size, am also healthy, and getting more thin and fit does not occupy every waking thought?
7 comments:
Oh, Alicia, Alicia, I feel your pain. I know I recently had a baby, and everyone thinks you should just magically be okay with your body after that because you have a good excuse, right? Well, I think it's never very fun to be fat, no matter why or how you got that way. I have about 45 pounds to lose to get back to where I was the last time you saw me. I'm not kidding! So all I can say is: when you figure out the secret, let me know. And I agree that after 30, something weird happens to your body and makes it veeeeeery hard to lose weight. Why????!!!!! Why?????!!!!!!
Do you write down what you eat? There was a big study in which they took several thousand people who had lost 50 or more pounds and kept it off. (They wanted 10,000, but could only find like 3,000). Anyway, one thing they all did to keep it off was write down everything they ate every day. They asked 1/3 of them to stop writing it down but keep following their diet. All of them gained weight over the 2 months when they weren't logging. The problem is that we often think we're eating really well, but we end up snacking and taking seconds without realizing it.
Just a thought.
You sound so frustrated. I'm sorry! I would be happy to help you figure out how to lose some weight if you can help me figure out why my breasts are shrinking and what I can do to get them back to their regular size A. :)
This is a brave post! I realized at the end of last year that I was never letting myself get hungry. I was eating whenever. So that helped me set some good resolutions. (Don't ask how well I'm coming along with them now!)
It's really a pity that metabolism changes as we age. It sounds like you're doing everything right -- frustrating!! And speaking of Tae-Bo, I did that for the first time in a long time just this morning. I'm really worried about how exactly I'll get out of bed tomorrow! :o)
I'm a chunky monkey too! I've been working out 3 times a week and i still look the same. it's that 30 factor...it sucks. No what does suck..i lost maybe 3 lbs but my boobs are the smallest EVER! training bra. Never knew I even had 3 lbs there.
I must chime in. I have twenty pounds to go too. Let's do them together. I agree with Brooke, it really frustrates me when people say (after having a baby) "wow you look so good!" Yes I may be glowing because I am a new mom, maybe that is just some sleep deprivation thing. But when I see myself naked and know what my body used to look like, I don't feel "so good". And it is really aggrivating when the only two pieces of lower body clothing that fit me are wide elastic wasted skirts. At least they are comfortable, but I am tired of wearing the same clothes everyday. I am also very nervous about what you all are saying about turning 30. I just turned 29and I guess that means I just have one year left to get skinny again. Adn then no more kids...or chocolate...dang it!
My weight gain, which happened when I was first married, was very difficult for me to handle, too. It occupied all of my thoughts, as well, for several years. When I took up jogging again a couple of years ago, I lost a teeny bit of weight, but what I gained was a ton of self-confidence. For me, the ability to jog for thirty minutes without stopping made me so happy, and I realized that I didn't give a rat's arse if I didn't lose weight. The fact that I was doing something for myself, something for my heart, made the obsession with calories, sizes, and pounds totally go away. It's a nice feeling.
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