I'm a brave little poster

Thanks to Janene for pointing out how brave my last post was. It did take courage to post it, and then it took a few days for me to actually have enough courage to read people's responses. I wasn't sure if I should even say anything, especially because it seems a little self-centered, what with all the bigger problems people face, like physical health problems, money worries, natural disasters ruining their homes - you know, git stuff. But, if you can't write about what's going on in your life, why blog?

I am glad for those who responded - for empathizing, sympathizing, and offering advice. I caught an old episode of Oprah recently, and some guy she was talking to (yes, I know - it makes him sound very official) made two comments that I've been thinking about.

• No matter how much you exercise, if you're not eating a healthy amount of calories (not too many, not too few), you won't see weight loss results.
• Women have to be close to 100% diligent in eating healthy in order to see results. For men, it's a different story (yay for the men).

So, yes, I did start writing down everything I was eating - thank you for the suggestion! It was a little scary at first. I found that I'm eating a lot of food that is good for me, but I'm eating too much of it. Unfortunately, I am someone who would much rather exercise than consume fewer calories. I just love food! I love cooking it, I love eating it, I love watching other people enjoy what I've made. It looks like I have to get a grip on what I put in my body, and keep at the exercise.

But my biggest epiphany came when I ran across an excerpt from President Benson's talk on pride. In his talk, he quoted C.S. Lewis, who observed: "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone." (Mere Christianity, "Beware of Pride")

Really what it comes down to for me is this: by being so consumed with myself and comparing myself to others (sometimes I come out a little ahead, but most of the time I come out way behind), I am not allowing myself to really feel my Heavenly Father's love for me, and I don't have the space or energy to focus on the things I should be focused on. So I'm setting a goal: Whenever I start feeling anxious about the way I look, I'm going to do an act of service for someone else. That means...I'll be super busy serving others!

I know it's not the solution you'd find on a talk show, but after going to the temple last night, it's the solution I feel most happy about. Of course, I'll still keep working out and writing in a food journal. Ultimately, my goal is not to be a size 8 (gulp, now you know that I'm bigger than an 8 - might as well just post my weight here). My goal is to be happy with my body, regardless of the size. I know that focusing on the gospel and serving others will help me get there. Well, that and Tae-Bo.