I'm back!

Since Andy's been home, I haven't had any time to blog. I think we decided we'd try to cram an entire summer into three short weeks! Needless to say, it's left me very tired at night, and exhausted during the day. In the last three weeks, we have done way more than I ever expected we would. We have:

• Watched five movies, including Hulk, Wall-E, Kung Fu Panda, and Hancock
• Played dozens of different card, board, and video games
• Spent a weekend at Cherry Creek Reservoir, barbecuing and boating
• Watched fireworks and parades
• Invited the youth to our house for a fireside on India
• Spent the weekend at Andy's parents' house with our friend
• Replaced a rotting fence in our backyard
• Weeded our entire yard (it was more weeds than yard!)
• Met with a realtor to start our house search process
• Eaten more junk food than I ever thought possible (good-bye, weight loss!)

My favorite part was spending the weekend at Andy's parents' house the last weekend in June. They have a huge house in the woods, with three extra bedrooms. So a bunch of us went up for the weekend. We made fondue, played games, went for walks, and just pretty much enjoyed each others' company. It's also the only time we have any pictures - thanks to Joey! I hope you enjoy these pictures that Joey took as much as I did.

Friday evening we made fondue: cheese for the bread and veggies, broth for the meat and veggies, and chocolate for the desserts (fruit, oreo- and graham cracker-covered marshmallows, and brownies - yum!). Apparently I was happy that Andy was about to stab me with a fondue fork.

I got to spend a lot of time with my favorite little girl, Maya. She is such a good baby!

We also got to know Daniel's fiancee, AJ, a little better. We're so happy for Daniel that he found AJ. She's a great catch!

Saturday morning Chris & Barb made Swedish pancakes, while I went for a walk with my Swedish friend, Anna, her husband Joey (the photographer), and their two beautiful little girls - Alicia & Maya.
Isn't Anna amazing to carry Alicia on her shoulders and Maya in the Baby Bjorn? Talk about being a Supermom!

So, we've had a good three week "summer." And the good news: we found out last week that Andy isn't going back to India/China, so we get to continue having a good summer. Which means hopefully you'll see more regular posts now that I won't be exhausted from doing so much!

Skadoosh!

This is my new favorite word, although I'm still trying to figure out what it means and when to use it. So far I've used it like this: "Andy, now that you're home, let's go skadoosh!" Which in this instance means, "Andy, now that you're home, let's go sit on the couch and watch the 12 hours of TV I DVR'd while you were gone." Seriously, isn't this season of Lost awesome?

I first heard the word when we saw Kung Fu Panda yesterday (thanks Dennis!). Thanks to the awesomeness that is Jack Black, I will now be in search of the perfect meaning of "skadoosh." Anyone have any ideas?

Oh, and yes, it is awesome to have Andy back!

My last post about weight...promise!

It seems I struck a chord with a couple of recent posts regarding my obsession with my weight. What I find interesting is how many of us would change something about our bodies; even if we're happy with our weight, there is always something else we don't like.

I never intended to make anyone feel bad, or weird, or upset anyone with my posts. The only person I was judging was myself - my thoughts of getting thinner were occurring a little more than I was comfortable with. Even though I haven't taken unhealthy measures to change myself, I was spending more time thinking about myself than thinking about better things. I guess I thought that if I focus a little more effort on thinking of others, it would help me feel less angst about what size pants I wear.

Don't get me wrong, I will still have goals. I will continue to be annoyed by the fact that so many of my clothes no longer fit. I will continue to watch what I eat and exercise. I will continue to work towards getting down two sizes. Just hopefully, I'll think about it a little less and make room for other things that will help me feel good about myself.

Andy's coming home!

I am so excited for Andy to be home, even if it's only for three weeks. As I type this, he is on a plane from Frankfurt to Denver, and I pick him up at 4:30 this afternoon.

He has been in India for eight weeks, and it's been five and a half since I've seen him. I have to admit, I thought the time would just drag by, and I know that for him it did. Don't tell Andy, but for me that time just flew by. What a blessing it's been to just cruise through the past five and a half weeks.

Now if only the next three weeks would go by slow. Somehow I suspect they'll cruise by just as fast as the last five.

Happy birthday Coop-Coop

Some days, I don't mind living so far away from my family. It's not that I love it, but I don't always think about what I'm missing. Then every once in a while (usually when I read someone's blog), I realize that missing out on the little everyday fun things really stinks. And it sure would be nice to just hang out with my mom, dad, and sisters every once in a while, or to be able to babysit for AnJ and Clint. I have to admit, I'm envious of Grandmas DaNae and Pila and aunties Toby & Jess, Mandy, and Amber - I wish I had the opportunity to babysit my adorable nephews every once in a while.

Today is one of those "I'm sad I'm not there" days. Today is Cooper's first birthday. Not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but I'll miss out on the little party AnJ has been planning. (No cupcakes for me! But if you read my last post, I guess that's a good thing.) The first time I met Coop, he was this tiny. As far as I'm concerned, he still is, because I don't even have another picture of him with me and it's a whole year later! And I really hope deep down that my favorite buddy, Mason, has not forgotten who I am.

It's hard to get home regularly, and it's hard to know everything I'm missing out on. I hope everyone knows I wish I could be there - for big things, little things, and all the things in between. Give Coop a birthday kiss from his Auntie Alicia and know that I'm there in spirit.

I'm a brave little poster

Thanks to Janene for pointing out how brave my last post was. It did take courage to post it, and then it took a few days for me to actually have enough courage to read people's responses. I wasn't sure if I should even say anything, especially because it seems a little self-centered, what with all the bigger problems people face, like physical health problems, money worries, natural disasters ruining their homes - you know, git stuff. But, if you can't write about what's going on in your life, why blog?

I am glad for those who responded - for empathizing, sympathizing, and offering advice. I caught an old episode of Oprah recently, and some guy she was talking to (yes, I know - it makes him sound very official) made two comments that I've been thinking about.

• No matter how much you exercise, if you're not eating a healthy amount of calories (not too many, not too few), you won't see weight loss results.
• Women have to be close to 100% diligent in eating healthy in order to see results. For men, it's a different story (yay for the men).

So, yes, I did start writing down everything I was eating - thank you for the suggestion! It was a little scary at first. I found that I'm eating a lot of food that is good for me, but I'm eating too much of it. Unfortunately, I am someone who would much rather exercise than consume fewer calories. I just love food! I love cooking it, I love eating it, I love watching other people enjoy what I've made. It looks like I have to get a grip on what I put in my body, and keep at the exercise.

But my biggest epiphany came when I ran across an excerpt from President Benson's talk on pride. In his talk, he quoted C.S. Lewis, who observed: "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone." (Mere Christianity, "Beware of Pride")

Really what it comes down to for me is this: by being so consumed with myself and comparing myself to others (sometimes I come out a little ahead, but most of the time I come out way behind), I am not allowing myself to really feel my Heavenly Father's love for me, and I don't have the space or energy to focus on the things I should be focused on. So I'm setting a goal: Whenever I start feeling anxious about the way I look, I'm going to do an act of service for someone else. That means...I'll be super busy serving others!

I know it's not the solution you'd find on a talk show, but after going to the temple last night, it's the solution I feel most happy about. Of course, I'll still keep working out and writing in a food journal. Ultimately, my goal is not to be a size 8 (gulp, now you know that I'm bigger than an 8 - might as well just post my weight here). My goal is to be happy with my body, regardless of the size. I know that focusing on the gospel and serving others will help me get there. Well, that and Tae-Bo.

I'm a chunky monkey

It seems that for me, happy = fat. I have a little secret that only people who see me regularly (pretty much no one reading this blog) know: I have gained somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 pounds since I got married to Andy.

20 pounds on my frame translates to two sizes bigger. Being two sizes bigger is not a good scenario in any case, but when you are trying to save money, which we are, it really stinks. I don't fit into any of my clothes, and have to go buy bigger ones, which I am trying to not fit into anymore. Yes, I realize some people might look at me and say, "I'm working to be your size!" I realize I'm blessed to be healthy and have working limbs and whatnot - I get it. But going up two sizes is not a good scenario for anyone, regardless of your starting weight.

I debated whether I should blog about this issue, but am realizing that this topic has started to consume me. Since Andy left for India, I have pretty much been living in my workout clothes. Because I don't have anything else to do (and because I can), most days I exercise morning, noon, and night. I walk, I lift weights, I do Tae-Bo (not all at once, mind you). I watch what I eat, and focus on eating really healthy food, yet my clothes still fit me exactly the same - two sizes bigger than I want to be. After seven weeks of this, I'd be happy to be even one size smaller, but alas, here I sit, just the same as when he left.

Which explains my obsession. How can I be doing everything right and not getting any smaller? I blame turning 30, because once I turned 30, my body went downhill in a really scary way. And the frustrating thing is that I can't seem to do anything about it.

I set a goal to be down one size when Andy returns from India in June, and here I am, the same size as when he left. Thank goodness he loves me no matter what size I am, but the question remains and is in need of an urgent resolution: how do I get to a place where I'm happy with my body size, am also healthy, and getting more thin and fit does not occupy every waking thought?

Electrician in training

Over the weekend, I decided I'd had enough of this unfinished house, and set out to make a few small changes. Last year, we got about 3/4 of the way through the remodel, and things just petered out because of everything that was going on in our lives.

With Andy gone, I find myself wasting time watching a little too much TV. On Saturday after taking our friends' kids to seei Indiana Jones, I thought it would be great to get a little work done on the house. I painted the wood beams on our ceiling (they were covered in white texture) and really deep-cleaned our entire main floor.

My biggest and most proud accomplishment, however, was learning how to change electrical outlets. For some reason, when Andy and I were working on the house last year, I was nervous about anything electrical, and I let him take care of it. I guess I get a little more independant when he's not here though, because I really had a burning desire to finally take care of the outlets that were hanging out of our walls, unfinished and uncovered.

I asked our friend Denver to show me how to replace those old cracked, crusty outlets with shiny new outlets and covers. It was pretty cool learning how electricity works and how to connect all the wires in the outlets. We took care of four outlets in our living room...only about 50 more to go throughout the house! I swear this house has more outlets than I thought was possible.

I think I'll keep my day job though. I'm not quite ready to become an electrician.