I am a murderer

It's not every day of my life that I walk around thinking about offing someone - just occasionally, like when I have a bad day at work or a particularly unpleasant run-in with another driver. But today, I realized (thanks to Andy calling me a murderer), that I am a murderer. It wasn't pre-meditated, but I am a murderer nonetheless.

I took life from someone. Or better said, I neglected to sustain life for someone. And I feel sick inside.

Allow me to explain: Last fall, Andy's dad took a job in the east, and his mom went to the west to help his sister. She asked me if I wanted some plants, since she wouldn't be here to take care of them. "Sure," I said - naievely thinking that "some" meant less than 10. I have less than 10 plants in my house, and I would say I have "some." And I have no problem caring for them.

She dropped off approximately two dozen plants, of varying sizes, shapes, and textures. A week later, Andy drove to her house to bring back almost 10 more giant sized plants, some as needy as a newborn.

They filled up all our kitchen counters, plus floor space. Some needed lots of sun and little water. Others needed constant watering and did okay without much sun. A few (not many) were DOA, and went straight to the trash.

I tried my best to sustain them, I really did. In fact, I did okay for a few months. But then I got pregnant and while some people think my nurturing tendencies would have heightened, they completely went out the window. I kept telling myself it's because I was so sick all I could do was walk from the couch to the bathroom. I couldn't clean my house, couldn't even put on makeup, let alone water some plants. But the truth remains: however I rationalized it, here I stand four and a half months later with a room full of dead plants. Oh, and bugs all over our house - some dead, some still living.

The bugs love the plants.

I kill the bugs, and I also killed the plants - I am a murderer.

Does this mean I am unable to nurture living things once I get sick? If so, let's everyone pray for this baby that I don't ever get sick. I keep thinking that at least a baby will make noise when it's hungry. The plants were just so quiet, I couldn't help but ignore them.

Darn those plants.

32

I can't believe I'm 32. When my mom was 32, she had at least three of her kids.

When I was 22, I thought I was so old. Um, nope. I was so young. Now my body feels old, but inside, I feel like I'm still 22. Unfortunately, sometimes I still act like I'm 22.

On the plus side, I got a fun little present from Andy...he made up my mind for me about which phone I should get.

And let me tell you, it is worth every penny! I had no idea how much use I had for an iPhone. He tells me, "It's not a phone - it's a lifestyle." And he's right.

Thanks to everyone for celebrating 32 with me!

Two more things:

1) If you want more than three comments on your blog, post that you're pregnant. It was nice to hear from all of you!

2) If you haven't already, go look at this.